A Call to Arms for America

I. Am. OUTRAGED.

I just found out (thanks to Google maps) that there is not one, but TWO Catholic cathedrals within a two-and-a-half block radius of the former site of the Alfred P Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City!  One of them is directly across the street - you can see it from almost anywhere within the memorial park!  Turn around, look down the block and past some trees, and there's the other one!  TWO Catholic cathedrals casting shadows on the memories of the victims of the Oklahoma City bombing.

How can we, as Americans, stand for this?

Weren't our hearts stabbed clear through on April 19, 1995, when we turned on our televisions and saw horrifying images of twisted steel and shattered concrete?  Didn't we cry and mourn for the 168 victims and their families?  Didn't we shudder in horror at the sight of the burnt and mangled toys from the daycare center where 19 innocent children were killed?

And yet somehow we must have forgotten our duty to honor and respect those that died that day, our brothers and sisters and fellow Americans.  Maybe it just didn't feel real enough.  Something failed to ignite our righteous anger.  Otherwise we would never have allowed two cathedrals to stand so near to an open wound.

After all, Timothy McVeigh was Catholic.

True, he wasn't a practicing Catholic at the time of the bombing.  But he was raised Catholic, and the things he learned in childhood were still a part of his belief structure and questionable moral fiber for the rest of his life, as he explained in an interview to Time Magazine in 2001:

I was raised Catholic. I was confirmed Catholic. Through my military years, I sort of lost touch with the religion. I never really picked it up, however I do maintain core beliefs. I do believe in a God.

If only we had stood up then!  If only we had demanded that the cathedrals be torn to the ground, so as to not taint the memory of the bombing victims!  How much pain could we have saved the loved ones of those victims?  How much pain could we have saved America?

The Catholic church has had its share of bad press in the last few years, what with all the child molesting and everything (Fun fact! John Wayne Gacy was Catholic).  Clearly, the Catholic church is a breeding ground for terrorism and must be sent a clear and direct message.  I call for my fellow Americans to join me in protesting the continued existence of these Cathedrals of Terror!

Wait, that doesn't seem grave enough.  Hmmm.... how about the Monstrous Cathedrals of Evil Terror and Also Molesting Children and Kicking Puppies?

Ooh, that's good.

As I don't live anywhere near Oklahoma City, I'm going to have to rely on support from all 11 readers of this blog to do the actual protesting for me.  But I'd be happy to help you come up with some kickass picket slogans.  I'm really good at that.  "MCoETaAMCaKP Are Monuments to Terrorism!" "This is America! Go Back to the Vatican!" "Obama = Kenyan Puppy Kicker!" "Terrorists Don't Deserve Churches!" "God Hates Fags!"

We simply cannot allow this to continue!  Have we no pride, no patriotism?

And it can't stop in Oklahoma City, fellow Americans.  We also have a civic duty to protest the Lutheran church around the corner from Columbine High School, to show that we condemn the actions of Dylan Klebold and other potential Lutheran terrorists like him!

But wait.  Let's be clear here.  I am not targeting religion.  After all, America was founded on the belief that we should be free to practice whatever religion we choose.  I don't have a problem with the Catholic religion, or the Lutheran religion.  I have a problem with their obvious ties to terrorist splinter groups which are completely indiscernable from the religions themselves.

There's a huge difference.

But lest there are still a few anti-American left-wing tree-hugging communists out there who believe that this is nothing more than a vicious attack on any specific religions or practitioners thereof, allow me to continue.  The next step in preserving the fragile heart and tender feelings of America is to get rid of all the sushi restaurants around Pearl Harbor.

Do you have any idea how many there are?  It's like, you're there, looking through the hauntingly blue water at the USS Arizona, choking up a bit as you think of all the thousands of soldiers and citizens that were viciously and brutally attacked that morning, and the whole time there are a half a dozen sushi joints right across the bay watching you mourn and rubbing your face in it!  "Ha ha ha!" they say.

Or rather, "は は は!"

"We totally attacked you without warning on that infamous day!  Now come inside and enjoy some delicious sashimi OR WE WILL DO IT AGAIN!"

Do we really want to wait for that to happen, America?  Do we really want another Catholic to bomb downtown Oklahoma City?  Do we want another Lutheran high schooler to turn a gun on his classmates in Littleton?  Do we want the Japanese to attack our warships stationed at Pearl Harbor?  After all, history repeats itself.  And by allowing these monuments to terrorist organizations to stand so close to places so deeply effected by their terrorist actions, we are simply inviting them to attack again.  We are saying we didn't think it was that big of a deal, and that all of those lives lost really don't mean anything to us.

We need to send a clear message to these terrorists: You Don't Mess with America, Texas or Otherwise.  Tear down the cathedrals!  Tear down the churches!  Tear down the sushi restaurants!

Otherwise, how far will it go?  What's next, America?  An Islamic cultural center two blocks away from where the World Trade Center used to stand?

That'd be just plain un-American.