I literally can not count how many times I have been told I am heartless, cold, dead inside, without feeling, soulless, unable to process human emotion, insensitive, detatched, stony, emotionless, indifferent.  This is how people see me, how they explain my stoicism.  This is how they interpret my attempts to be logical and in control of every situation, to keep myself in check so I don't end up saying something I'll regret.  This is what most of my friends and family think of my attempts to keep myself emotionally stable.

It hurts.

They don't know that I cry like a baby whenever I watch Extreme Home Makeover, and they probably wouldn't believe me if I told them.

Bastards.  Vicious bastards.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This happens to me too. I think it's defensive. I grew up Mormon, and every time I opened up I was smashed down again. I said the wrong thing, felt the wrong thing, thought the wrong thing. Learning to hide emotions and keep myself apart from the crowd was how I survived. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this.